It has been three weeks since Mark left us to go do work for our Father in Heaven. This week has been really hard. I feel like I have cried more this week then I have since he first left.
Monday I just couldn't get out of bed. I think by the time I could get out it was almost noon. then I just sat around till the kids came home from school. Speaking of school, it is just killing me. The kids have so much homework. We have 3 hours worth each every night. That is ridicules, but what do we do?
Back on track. Tuesday again I had a really hard time getting up. I finally did and then I decided to go to the temple. I felt really good like I usually do when I go. I was a little nervous to go because everyone would tell me that it is where I would fell Mark the most. I was scared that I wouldn't feel anything. Well when I first got there I asked if I could go sit in the Celestial Room. I didn't know if they would let me with our going through a session, but they did. So I went and sat in there for awhile. I prayed and it felt good but there was no big manifestation that Mark was there. So I went down and did some initiatory. As I was in the first area the Sister there was Sister Smith from Morgan, she noticed my last name and asked me if I was related to the young man that had just passed away. I started to cry and told her. She hugged me and told me that I was in the right place. As I went on I remembered the promises that I was given to rein with my husband forever. As we got to the second name as I read the name I couldn't help but feel that Mark was helping her. She was from Mexico and Mark just loved the Mexican people. At first I thought it was silly but then a good friend of mine told me that I have to remember that the Lord speaks first and silent then Satan speaks second and loud, so you always have to go with your first soft feeling.
Wed, and Thursday went a lot like Monday, not much happened and I just felt really sad and alone. I just really was overwhelmed with even the thought of work and homework with the kids. My friends from Bunco brought over a freezer along with some dinners. People have been very supportive and kind. There have been so many angels all around.
Thursday night after reading my scriptures I prayed extra hard for help and strength to just be able to get up and get going throughout the day. I had a special experience that next morning that is very sacred to me. I know that prayers are answered and that our loved ones that have gone on are so much closer then we can ever imagine, and I am so great full for that knowledge.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
It has been two weeks today since Mark passed away. This has been a really hard week. I just have not been able to figure out how to get back into the routine of everyday life. I just don't know how to do it without Marks help. I look at my life and wonder what I am going to do. Grieving has been hard for me. I just don't know how to do it? I feel sad all of the time and just can't even laugh or have fun. I have found comfort and really enjoyed reading Mark's scriptures. He has written so much in them so I am able to learn so much from him. I do feel him close, I just hope and pray that it doesn't go away. I look forward to the day I can see him again and talk to him and give him a BIG HUG!! LoVE YOU Marky!!!!
Well, the funeral is over and I guess life is supposed to begin. But I feel lost, lonely and scared. I don't know where to start or how to go on. I miss Mark so much and there is just an emptiness I don't even know how to explain, yet a feeling of love and comfort that I can't deny. I felt so blessed and comforted over the past week. On Sunday morning the day after Mark passed away, Montana was sleeping with Marks pillow and he said, "Mom, there is something in the pillow," as he pulled it out there was a link. It was Marks Link. Earlier in the summer we had gone to Lake Powell as a family. Marks Mom gave a family home evening on the importance of each family member and how each one of us was like a link to a chain. I think Mark was showing Montana that he was still here and is still a link in our Family. It amazes me that it was still in that pillow. I swear I had washed that pillow case probably 3 or 4 times since then. (Journal entry from Sept 17th)
Marks Funeral was beautiful. His family did sucha a good job. They had everyone laughing and crying. Thank you so much for making it such huge success
We let balloons off with messages writen to Mark. A few days after the funeral Mark's brothers family was at church and they looked up to Marks grave and there was one just sitting in the air over Marks grave. The kids said look Mom it is like Mark sent us back a message!!! Love it!!!