the question, "How do you do it?"

"How do you do it?" This is the questio I feel, like I get asked every time I talk to someone new or someone I haven't seen in a long time. What do they want me to say? "oh it's easy?" Really this is what I feel like saying. I don't do it! Or I don't want to do it! But really this is how I do it. And I promise you it's not done very well. I do it with no sleep at night cause I have to lay in this room all by myself. I do it with tears in my eyes cause nothing will ever be the same. I do it with a constant pain that won't go away. I do it with no one to talk to or discuss what needs to be done to make it from day to day. I do it with a constant prayer in my heart cause nothing feels right anymore. I do it wondering if my prayers are even being heard. I do it wondering why my plan and my Heavenly Fathers plan for me just doesn't seem to match up. I do it wondering how I'm going to work to pay the bills and get my kids from one place to another all at the same time. I do it knowing that it will all be worth it one day. I do hoping that I am not ruining my kids. I do it knowing that my sweet Mark is right by my side. I do it with faith that my Heavenly Father knows me and loves me very much. I do it knowing that I have three kids that need me to. But most of all I do it because I love my eternal companion and friend Mark and I don't want to let him down. I do it, yes! But it's hard and it's scary and I hate that I have to do it! But I love that I can do it.