Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Well here we go!!!!!
Well tonight I am filled with many different emotions. I have started seeing a really great guy. I go through the day and can't wait to talk to him. I feel safe with him and like everything is going to be alright. I smile every time I think about him. Yet the sadness is still inside of me. I still miss Mark tremendously. I can't remember if I had wrote this experience down or not. If I have then I'm sorry for repeating it. A few months ago I had a dream or experience with Mark he was able to talk to me. He loved me and that he was proud of the person I was becoming. But then He told me that it was time to let go that someone was prepared to take care of my family and I needed to find him. This was one of the hardest things for me to hear I wasn't ready. I didn't want to have to let go I didn't want to be okay and the pain to go away cause I was afraid I would loose what little I had left of Mark. I didn't want him to go away. This was a scary and hard few weeks in my life maybe one of the hardest. But now finding someone to talk to someone that I can feel safe around again is an amazing feeling. I'm not saying that this guy is the one I don't know yet. I'm just saying that maybe it really is possible. He has given me hope and has made me feel very special again. But does that mean that I have to let go of the little bit of Mark that I feel I have left. I sure hope not!! I have felt the scared and loneliness for so long now I didn't realize I could be so happy and scared all at the same time. I am excited for my new adventure. I know that Mark is right there by my side leading me and leading whoever it is that is being prepared to take care of me and my kids. I just hope whoever it is ready!!! What an amazing person this is going to be. We are a bunch of CRAZY CRAGUNS!!!