Love!

Love is an incredible thing. I really have been blessed to be able to feel it again. I worried that I would never find it again or that if I did that would mean I would loose what little I had left of Mark. Boy was I wrong! I feel Mark just as much as I did before but he is happy for me. He loves seeing me happy. He loves that I am ready to live again. I have met the most amazing guy. He has an incredible family and seems to be perfect for me and my family. I am so excited to see were this new adventure leads to. I am starting to love everything about him. He is kind, loving, and a great dad to just name a few. I feel safe again which I haven't for the last 4yrs. And most of all I love that he cares about me and my kids and he loves us just the way we are. It is an amazing feeling and I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for allowing me to have two of the most incredible men love me. I love you Jamie and I am so excited for this new adventure in my life.

Well here we go!!!!!

Well tonight I am filled with many different emotions. I have started seeing a really great guy. I go through the day and can't wait to talk to him. I feel safe with him and like everything is going to be alright. I smile every time I think about him. Yet the sadness is still inside of me. I still miss Mark tremendously. I can't remember if I had wrote this experience down or not. If I have then I'm sorry for repeating it. A few months ago I had a dream or experience with Mark he was able to talk to me. He loved me and that he was proud of the person I was becoming. But then He told me that it was time to let go that someone was prepared to take care of my family and I needed to find him. This was one of the hardest things for me to hear I wasn't ready. I didn't want to have to let go I didn't want to be okay and the pain to go away cause I was afraid I would loose what little I had left of Mark. I didn't want him to go away. This was a scary and hard few weeks in my life maybe one of the hardest. But now finding someone to talk to someone that I can feel safe around again is an amazing feeling. I'm not saying that this guy is the one I don't know yet. I'm just saying that maybe it really is possible. He has given me hope and has made me feel very special again. But does that mean that I have to let go of the little bit of Mark that I feel I have left. I sure hope not!! I have felt the scared and loneliness for so long now I didn't realize I could be so happy and scared all at the same time. I am excited for my new adventure. I know that Mark is right there by my side leading me and leading whoever it is that is being prepared to take care of me and my kids. I just hope whoever it is ready!!! What an amazing person this is going to be. We are a bunch of CRAZY CRAGUNS!!!