Friday, May 2, 2014

Maybe it was a dream or maybe it was real!

Grief is a hard thing, and something I don't think anyone really understands. There are definitely some days even 4 years later that feel almost like those first few weeks that I lost Mark. I have been very fortunate to have had some dreams that have allowed me to have a few very real conversations with Mark. Today was one of those days. But man this one hurt but I know with out a dought it was probably the exact push or more like a huge shove forward that I need. (Mark was always trying to push me to be a better person and it was not always easy for I was able to lay with him but this time he told me that I needed to let him go and that I needed to move forward. And man did that break my heart. I don't want him to leave me! I'm not ready! As I went through the day the tears continued to fall all day long. But I also was able to feel a very strong unbreakable love from my sweetheart. I know without a dought that he wants me to live my life. That he wants me to be happy and to love! I know that my family is his number one priority. I know that he loves me and that he is mine forever. I just wish he could be mine right now but we both know he can't. I love him so much and can't imagine having anyone else. But I know he is helping preparing someone perfect for his family. But knowing all this doesn't make it easier. Maybe it was just a dream but these dreams sure feel real.