This dream

So for the most part my days are filled with laughter and joy. I can honestly say that I am happy. I am happy with were I am, and I am happy with were my kids are. However, there are days that what has happened just hits me and I realize that my worst fear in life came true. These are the times that I want to fall asleep and wake up and have this dream be done. I want to wake up with Mark next to me and it be September 11, 2010. I want two new dresses laid out for Niyah's baptism and confirmation, cause that would mean I didn't spend the whole night sewing and I got to spend it laying with my sweet Mark. I want to wait for him to get dressed and walk over to the church together, cause that would mean I wouldn't have to go back to find him. I want to watch him baptize my little girl, I want to hear him give that beautiful blessing and dunk her in that water, maybe twice cause her toe didn't go all the way under. I want to watch him confirm her a member of the church. I want to walk back home take pictures and eat all of the yummy good that was prepared and have a house full of family and friends. But my perfect day ended up perfect in a totally different way. I miss you Mark and can't wait till I can wake and run into your arms. But until that day please know that I am happy, that the kids are doing well, and that we love you and you are always in our hearts.